I like the information...very thorough...this monologue format is good cause it's specific- no one will misinterpret it.
I think that style sounds too canned though...I'm glad to hear you will be doing it live so more of "The Stallion" will shine through. That's what I like about your videos, and Tom Tomasello's videos...it doesn't really feel so much like you're being schooled...more like "having a chat." Probably easier for you to be more enthusiastic.
Besides, you know enough about the swing, and have taught enough so that I'm sure your info. will not suffer from lack of detail.