Welcome to LBG. You are far too hard on yourself, you have a very nice motion!
I think you have also done a good job of picking out a piece that needs a little work. Do you have the book, The Golfing Machine?
You need to work a little Hula-Hula. Your hips bump at the very start of the downstroke, while EVERYTHING above your hips stays back. Currently, your head and shoulders are starting forward first. You don't have to swing like Ben Hogan, but he does a wonderful tutorial on this principle.
That would be a good place to start.
Kevin
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I could be wrong. I have been before, and will be again.
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